A home of homes!
Cynthia was growing more and more anxious with each passing day. The continuing news coverage of the virus as it spread around the world was overwhelming. The numbers of sick and dead were doubling almost daily. Doubling!! When will it stop!? Her head was spinning with so many unanswered questions. When will this end? What if it comes to my town? My neighborhood? Why can’t they stop it? Why aren’t people taking it seriously and complying with the stay at home mandates? What if the stores run out of food? What if the hospitals can’t keep up? What if….. she was down the rabbit hole of what if’s, worry and fear.
She shut the tv off and put down her phone. She had to calm down. Her heart was beating so hard she could hear it. Her head was spinning. Her hands shaking.
Closing her eyes and bowing her head she prayed. It had been a very long time since she was in church never mind actually lifting up a prayer to God but this was too much. Not since she lost James had she felt so hopeless and afraid.
“Oh Lord…..” she paused. Uncertain if her time away from fellowship would prevent her words from being heard. “Dear Lord, this is too much for me to carry. I know I’ve been bitter and angry because James died but I can’t find my way here. Where are you in this? Are you there? Are you here?
Her words and thoughts raced back to the day that she heard that knock on the door. It was early and she was still in pjs feeding little JJ. As she approached the door she knew. The obscure glass of the front door blurred her vision but she could make out the two uniformed figures. Breathless and holding back tears she opened the door but before the words were spoken she fell to the floor. “Mrs. Thompson we are very sorry to tell you that your husband Sgt. James Thompson of the third infantry division was killed in action.”
Sitting now at her kitchen table and praying for direction and strength brought her back to that day. That dreadful day when darkness clouded her vision and brought more questions than answers.
“Are you Lord? Are you here? Now? Today? Where? Do you see what’s happening here? Thousands of people are sick and dead! Why? Why? Why do allow this?” Her prayer was turning into an accusation. Her fear turned to anger and hysteria.
Her voice trailed off as she cried and shook her head. She cried herself down from the hysterical height she rose to. Her sobs subsided and she was whispering now. Softly speaking to James now. She often would speak to him as she laid in bed with her head on the pillow facing his side of the bed. She would tell him about her day and how fast JJ is growing and on and on until she fell asleep. Sometimes it was the only way she could fall asleep. Sometimes she couldn’t bare to think of him for the emotions that would flood over her. But those were the rare bad days and they were happening less and less as time past.
She dried her eyes and picked up her head. She whispered. She sat back in her chair and her body relaxed as the tension released her from its fearful fist.
James was a tall handsome but humble guy who lit up a room when he walked in. He was a friendly guy who would go out of his way for friend and stranger alike. He had two passions in life, his family and his faith. He worked in construction before he enlisted. He enjoyed building things. Anything. A home or a birdhouse both received the same attention to detail. He fixed up the house they bought when they first married but always promised he’d build a home for them. He’d tell her about the house. “It’s gonna be a home of homes! The King of homes for you my Queen Miss C! Just you wait and see!” He spoke of how it would sit on a high clearing over looking a lake with a great deck to sit on and watch the children play in the yard. Every little detail was brought to life by his words. You had no doubt he could do it and it would be beautiful.
She stopped whispering. She sat silently in the kitchen. Eyes closed. Hands on her lap. She saw James in her mind. His bright eyes. His big smile. His memory was a peaceful place for her now. She savored it. Breathing him in and praying this moment would never end.
“I‘ll build you a home of home Miss C it’s going to be awesome you’ll see!” She could almost hear his voice. “I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also.” these words were not James. They were softer but firmer. She felt them inside her like none other.
Cynthia became flushed and weak. She fell to the cold kitchen floor and knelt in humble awe. She knew those words. They were the words Jesus spoke to his disciples before he was crucified.
Now she knelt there sobbing tears of joy. God is here. He is here with her. Reminding her that she need not be afraid. She need not be afraid. He is real! He is here! He will calm the storm raging around her if only to remind her that this is not her home and He has prepared a place for her.
She whispered a prayer of thanksgiving as she slowly rose from the cold kitchen floor. She was grateful for what the Lord has done for her and felt like she had a weight lifted off of her.
She stood to her feet. She stood steady. She stood firm. The winds of fear and uncertainty were gone and right there in the middle of her little kitchen the sun shone on her face. She stood there and really knew deep inside herself that it was going to be ok. Come what may. She and JJ would be taken care of and that brought a peace she never felt before.
Inspired today by John 14 and the encouraging words of Toribear. Fear will not be the legacy of these trying times. Let the Light of Jesus Love shine into the darkness through each and every believer today. To God be the glory!!!
Thanks and be Blessed A&B